and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
