My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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