You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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