i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
