so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm too high and old for this...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
