Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
