Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
