I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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