Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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