Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
