dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
