At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
