I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
