I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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