Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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