So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
