you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
