This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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