I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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