Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
