i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
