she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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