My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I want to fling myself into the sun
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
