I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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