I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
