I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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