oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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