My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
