I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
