found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
