I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
