I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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