How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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