And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
