I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
