Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
