well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
