I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
