I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
