dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
