I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
