I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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