I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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