Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
