Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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