if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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