And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
