Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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