apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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