I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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