Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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